I’ve survived desperation a darkness from within.
The depth of which was solitude a life emersed with sin.
Uncomfortable with silence,
Uncomfortable with noise,
The pain was uncontrollable,
It was taking me, I couldn’t back out, I didn’t have a choice.
It sneaks up on me out of nowhere and when I’m least expecting.
Been lurking in the shadows gaining strength, gaining power, it feels like it’s protesting.
A strange sensation overcomes me like it thinks it knows what’s best.
Begging me, coaxing me, this feels like it’s a test.
There are parts of me that are powerful,
There are parts of me that are bold,
But this part of me is frightening, like a beast,
I’m losing my grip, I’m scared I’ll lose my hold.
I can’t push it down any further there’s no point, it’s me, it’s mine.
It’s my shadow its part of me,
but I fear its darkness may wipe out the parts of me that shine.
This part wants to protect me and it wants for me to be secure.
It didn’t mean the damage it’s caused,
That’s in the past, it’s gone, it doesn’t exist anymore.
So when this part becomes so dominant and the truth becomes a blur,
I take a deep breath and become present,
That’s when the magic has space to then occur.
So I observe the thoughts that walk with my shadow,
and allow them to come and go.
Hold in my mind compassion for the child that was once, so sad and low.
Those stories that I once told myself and repeated in my mind, no longer fit my story today,
I am beautiful I am kind.
I am loveable and I am worthy. I am a perfect child of God,
I reach inside myself to my soul and cradle the child that I once was.
I realise the fear is false and my shadow is no longer sore,
I whisper love, care and healing. My shadows frightening strength isn’t needed anymore.